User:ElsaGower995
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Affair Surviving? 5 Strategies for Surviving an Affair!
The horrible gut wrenching feeling knowing your husband is having an affair can be a poison that will infect all parts of your life. The questions you may well ask yourself and also the a lack of self-confidence wear you down night after night. "Do I throw him out?", "can I neglected and time will heal?", "did I fail him?", "can I save my marriage?". Each one of these things and much more run through your mind, causing you to angry, sad, scared and depressed. It does not ave to become this way however! Affair surviving can be done and can be done by you if you do a few things right such as these tips on surviving an affair.
1. Know the affair isn't your fault.
While it can seem to be that you may have done something wrong which has driven him in to the arms of some other woman this is never true! While both of you might have made mistakes, (and who honestly hasn't!) the reality of the matter is the fact that he mad the choice to come with an affair! This means he's the one that is at fault no matter the circumstances!
Your husband has made a choice with different selfish need to try to escape from a problem rather than solving it. The affair is a temporary indulgence in an physical and emotional neediness. The truth is that affairs are temporary things and hardly ever amount to anything solid between the two having an affair.
2. You must find out just what kind of affair is happening.
Affairs happen for different reasons just as people lead different lives and want different things. Here are a few of the main excuses men use to warrant their affair.
My marriage made me do that! I simply can't say no! I simply don't wish to refuse! I am not in love any more! Used to do it to obtain revenge on my small spouse! I needed to prove to myself I'm still attractive! I just wanted to be near to someone!
each of these excuses need different ways of being dealt with. Some are more to do with his ego exclusively while others have more complex undercurrents. So that you can survive an affair you need to know exactly what you are facing!
3. Discover what is internally driving him to the affair.
This follows on from the previous tip, when you will discover the main reason he may state is making him turn to an affair you need to delve deeper and find out what is really driving him!
You need to know what drives your man, how his past has effected him making decisions now, how he copes with relationships and much more. How you do that will be different greatly but only once you discover out what his issue is are you able to develop effective strategies with better decisions. You will also feel a lot better knowing you now have a clear road to follow which is his problem not your personal!
4. Think about the tough question.
Now that you've got exercised what's happening with your partner and understand him much more than you probably did before you have to ask a difficult question of yourself, "do wish to stick with him?". While you probably answer yes straight away or you would not be reading this guide only once you've arrived at the conclusions you've after following the first 3 steps can you see this more honestly.
Basically you have to work out if you really love him and wish to stick with him or maybe you just want to save your valuable marriage based on your personal feelings of insecurities and neediness. While this may sound harsh if you would like him to tell the truth along with you you must be honest with him and yourself, if you're attempting to save a marriage based purely on selfish reasons will it be a marriage? While you are asking yourself this it is now better to find out about him first before you can look at this question logically!
Do you know the odds of saving your marriage?
what type of affair you have from tip 2 makes a large effect on how easy it will likely be to save your marriage and could effect how you approach this problem. This is a quick guide, however small nuances in each situation may vary the outcome making this only a rough guide.
My marriage helped me do that! - hard to save. If he is occur his mind that the marriage is the problem then obviously it will be harder to obtain a healthy marriage back. I just can't say no! - this really is purely his problem and has a good chance of saving the marriage once he works it. i just don't wish to refuse! - not as good. He's choosing very logically to possess this affair while he would like it. This really is still an ego issue though and he can always desire a marriage back once the causes of his wanting an affair could be solved. Better then the first not as good because the second type. I am not in love anymore! - less bad as it sounds, he is wanting with this particular type even though he feels the love is gone the wedding may still have appeal. Rekindling love can turn this around greatly! I did it to obtain revenge on my spouse! - also not as bad because it sounds. Angry and petulant but he still sees you as his wife otherwise he'd have simply tried for a divorce.
I desired to prove to myself i am still attractive! - again more about his ego than your marriage. I simply thought about being close to someone! - if there is distance inside a marriage this could be problematic, this may be tough.
5. Predict the future
When you are armed with all this information and may act onto it additionally, you will be equipped with an important skill; foresight. Using your new knowledge of your man and the desires, shortcomings and requires you are able to predict what's going to happen in his affair and your marriage.
Using your knowledge predict if he'll have another affair even if this one stops. Use your knowledge to calculate if the affairs are long-term or just one night stands. Predict what sort of affairs he's likely to have, physical, emotional or mental? Make use of this knowledge to determine the future then act on it!
Affair surviving can be a hard road no matter what your alternatives however i hope these pointers on surviving an affair will arm you using the important information to create the right decisions not only now however for long in to the future! best of luck!
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